Over my life I’ve been told I do things wrong fairly regularly. I put milk in before the boiling water when making a cup of tea. I tumble dry almost everything. I leave my heating on all year and rely on the thermostat to turn it on when it’s cold (if it’s 12 degrees in the summer that doesn’t make it warmer than 12 degrees in winter).
While I usually vehemently disagree with people when they tell me I’m doing something wrong, there are some things which I actually listen to them about. For example, I now don’t hate every Justin Bieber or One Direction song on principle. I have made progress, and now hate most of them simply because they’re rubbish.
I also take advice on my online dating profile. As regular readers will know, I’ve not had anywhere near as many matches as people who know me and have read my profile think I should have. Hell, even Bumble themselves reviewed it and told me not to make any changes; it hasn’t done me any good at all to receive that feedback, however. Nevertheless, when I read an excellent post on the Debatably Dateable blog I took heed and reviewed things again.
After a commentversation with the author it became clear that many women are actually after such feedback themselves. Despite what I’m led to believe, they are not all 100% switched on, confident, feminist warriors who know exactly what they are doing; turns out they are finding their way through dating in a similar way to me; with a lot of experimentation and mistake making.
With that in mind, here are a few of my own thoughts on what I personally hate about many of the female profiles I see.
Not having a profile picture of just you
Whether it’s a motivational quote, a picture of a flower, a group shot from a night out or something else, if the first picture I see isn’t a shot of your face then there’s a good chance I won’t look too much further. It’s not about effort or time; it’s about me wondering what you are hiding and why you’ve decided to hide your face on what is above all a visual shop window. You’re not that ugly, are you?!?!
Full of negativity
I get it. There are things your ex did that annoyed you which you don’t want to repeat – they’re your ex for a reason, after all. But telling the world all the things you don’t want shows me that you will look at me first to find whether I have these bad points rather than looking to find my good points. I’d rather build a relationship, long or short term, on positive rather than negative foundations.
No bio content
Throw me a bone! What on earth am I going to do for an opening message if I’ve nothing to work with?! I don’t do cut-and-paste “you look like the kind of girl who likes to have fun” messages; I read your profile, look at your pictures and find something in them to mention. Again, what are you hiding?! Your pictures would have to be seriously good to make up for this, in which case you’re probably out of my league anyway (or at least think you are). Oh, and “message me to find out more” isn’t any better.
Including one photo totally at odds with the other beautiful shots
I swipe through the first pictures: a beautiful headshot, one of you with friends all glammed up, one of you on the beach, one of you with an animal or elderly relative, one of you looking sultry taken from an interesting angle to show off your best assets; then comes the final one. It’s a blurry shot of you drunk, showing more gums than teeth with a half closed left eye, riding a broomstick with your tongue hanging out and looking as if you would regret everything the morning after. Edit your photos. You can show your fun side without looking deranged.
Writing an essay
This is more for the OKCupid-style apps rather than the more visual Tinder/Bumbles; keep it shorter rather than longer. Never use a long word when more diminutive phraseology would be infinitely preferable to your otherwise loquacious diatribe. If you can’t be succinct then you’re a rambler. Tease me by giving me enough to pique my interest without sharing the contents of your diary.
- Lists can be good, however…
- Lists are entirely context dependent
- If they’re too long then they look too demanding
- I’ll get halfway down and skip to the end
- What if I meet almost all of your points but not one?
“Not looking for hook-ups”
There are two types of men in this world: those who are only interested in casual sex, and those who would definitely take casual sex if offered even if they aren’t looking for it but won’t admit it because they are “modern men”. Explicitly stating you aren’t looking for hook-ups may put off the second set. It will never put off the first.
We know you love your friends. We know you love your family. We know you like spending time outdoors yet love cuddling up on a sofa. We know you are fun. We know you are looking for a good man. Tell us something we don’t know. And when you are telling people how zany or crazy you are, remember this paraphrased quote: “Being the nicest, kindest, most wonderful girl in the world is like being a lady… if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”
I’ve nothing against animals, especially the more delicious ones. If you have a dog/cat/horse/lizard then by all means add a picture of it. However, every picture after that which includes an animal – whether it’s the same or a different one – decreases my interest in you by 50%. Science, innit.
So those are some of my pet peevs; what did I miss? Let me know with a comment!