“I’m sorry, but I just can’t see how it would work long term”.
That’s the line I heard from someone I started chatting with on POF recently. She lived near me, had a kid and had explicitly said in her bio “would definitely be willing to date someone who also had kids”. The flirting was fun, she was gorgeous, funny and smart and we had reached the point when I asked her if she wanted to meet up.
That’s when she told me that she didn’t see how it could ever work between us. She didn’t say why, nor what wouldn’t work though. Was it the crippling distance of 15 miles between us? Was it the fact that I ama 50% parent to three and a 90% parent to one?
I’m a positive person and could easily see ways around all of these issues and more. Besides the simple matter of getting babysitters, schedules could easily be aligned to ensure we could spend at least a little time together randomly too. And that’s not to mention ultimately the opportunity to introduce our kids (a long time down the road, of course) so we wouldn’t need babysitters.
This reminds me of a certain First Date I went on last year where I faced exactly the same problem. She had a child 90% of the time and said no to a second date as she thought we would never have enough time to build something between us. Her previous relationship had apparently broken down as her ex hadn’t prioritised them at all, so now she was looking for someone who could effectively dedicate themselves to her entirely.
I get it. I really do. We all want to find someone who will make us feel like we are at the centre of their lives and that nothing is more important to them than we are. But surely, all parents know that, ultimately, kids will ALWAYS be put first (unless you’re my own ex, though that’s a rant for another day).
I also get that perhaps that wasn’t the reason at all and that perhaps she had simply decided that she didn’t fancy me at all. Perhaps she’d shown my pictures to a friend and gotten bad feedback, or perhaps our chatting had shown her that we are actually different people. Those reasons and more and ones I can understand and get behind. I just wish people would be honest if that were the case rather than making an excuse.
Ultimately, I’m not too fussed this time round. I fancied her, yes, and would’ve happily gone out to meet her, but I’ve not invested too much time or energy in things at this point. I’ll move on to swiping some more and will hopefully find someone with a slightly more optimistic outlook who sees solutions rather than problems.
I’m sure they’re out there. Somewhere. The hunt will be long, but the prize will be worth it.