Let’s discuss your intentions

I’ve recently mentioned that I’ve joined a local group for single people, and it continues to throw up some real gems. After recently being told that I should effectively read every word of a book before judging whether or not I like it, next up was being told how quickly to test the depth of the water with both feet.

Call me strange if you want, but for me a first date should be fun. It should be light-hearted and not too serious, giving both of you the chance to feel each other out a little and work out who the other person really is. Are they as funny in person as via Whatsapp? Were their photos somewhat “creative”? Are they really a spy?

It turns out, however, that not everyone thinks that’s the right approach.

During a discussion on this very subject, I was told by a worryingly large proportion of the group that one of the key things to do on a first date is to clearly set out your long-term intentions and discuss theirs as well. You need to look them in the eye and discuss whether they see this as having the potential for a long-term relationship; after all, if they don’t see you as long-term potential at that stage then anything further is wasting everyone’s time.

I’m sorry, what?! Do I live in some weird alternative universe where dating can be fun rather than a transactional interview?! I can’t speak for anyone else, but if I was on a date and someone did that to me I’d run a mile. Then I’d get on a bus and journey several more miles, before boarding a plane to GetMeTheFuckOutOfThere.

I’m not saying that those sorts of things can’t be addressed in some way, of course. I’ve no problem at all with someone asking whether they were looking for just a little fun or for something a bit more serious, but truth be told it’s difficult at that stage to know how far things will go. I’m a fairly decent judge of character, but how on earth am I supposed to know after a little digital flirting and a couple of drinks whether someone will become my happily ever after?

There are plenty of ways to spot if it’s a definite no. There are few (if any) ways to decide whether or not it’s a definite yes. I’ll be happy enough to find a definite maybe for now.

5 thoughts on “Let’s discuss your intentions

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  1. I never date with forever in mind. I go to meet people. If it turns into forever then great but never force the issue. If things work out, if you gel with someone, then it’s inevitable there is likely to be more in it. Scrutinising the longevity of a relationship before you’ve even started it is just weird.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Absolutely. You might go on a date with some one and not hit it off in that way but find a new friend, or hear about someone’s life and it just inspires you to try something new. I never really think about ‘going on a date’ as ‘going on a date’. I think of it as, ‘I’m going to go and meet this person, and I’ll have a really interesting time and it gets me out and about’. What happens after that is largely down to chemistry.

        Liked by 1 person

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