Picky, Picky

Getting matches on dating apps is a grind. Despite the fact that I am on a number of different dating sites, despite the fact that I’m constantly tweaking my profile to improve it and despite the fact that I send a lot of messages, the rate at which I get suitable matches is disappointingly low.

I know I’m not in the Tom Hardy league of looks, but I also know that I’m not in the Tommy Lee Jones category either (though his confidence does have a certain appeal…). This leaves me asking myself a question: what is it about either me or my swiping technique that is meaning I don’t match as much as other users?

Oh, and it’s not just any users I’m interested in matching with either. I seem to attract a fair few swipes from women that personally I don’t find attractive based on their photos and/or bio. No, I’m talking here about wanting to match with women who are a 7-10 in the looks and body department and seem to have a sense of humour to match. You know, the women I have no right to refer to as “my type” yet I still do.

Firstly, I think it’s because I do things ‘properly’. Not in a weird way, rather in a way which these app’s designers intended for them to be used. When I see a profile I actually take the time to look at it; I look through all the pictures, read the bio if there is one and make a decision as to whether or not I’d actually be interested in meeting this person in real life. If yes then I swipe right, if not then left it is. That’s the way everyone does it, right?!

Well, no. I’ve found out that a lot of guys simply swipe right on everything. And I do mean everything. Doesn’t matter whether or not the person is uglier than Teresa May and Jeremy Corbyn’s secret lovechild, they’ll swipe anyway. Only when they get a match do they bother to take a look and decide whether or not to meet up.

I can see the logic from one perspective. This gives them plenty of matches to boost their egos and means they miss out on no-one potentially interesting by mistake. However, it does seem like a wasted step. Either you’re going to want to meet them or you aren’t. Surely it’s better to check first rather than wait until after they’ve matched? Also, it can be a little cruel, swiping on someone and getting their hopes up that you are interested when in reality you’re not. Okay, this applies more to really good looking people letting down average or ugly people and so I don’t fall into that camp, but the principle stands.

Secondly, I think there are a number of things about me or my profile that may stop women swiping right and matching with me, or even from replying to messages (or starting them via Bumble):

·       They are now in a relationship and forgot to delete their account

·       They have started dating someone and want to see how it goes

·       They are for some other reason not looking at the moment

·       They’ve not logged on in ages as they’re too busy with life

·       They don’t want to date an older/younger man

·       They don’t want to date someone with kids

·       They plain old don’t find me attractive

I’ve listed them in the order I find most palatable for my own self-confidence and probably the reverse order of reality.

At the end of the day, why few women that I find attractive swipe right on me will forever be a mystery, and will vary from woman to woman. I’ll never find that perfect formula I suspect, but that’s okay. All I need is the right one, after all, and at this point I’m in no massive rush. I can hold out for now and hope that statistically it’ll happen sooner or later. After all, statistics can never be wrong, can they?