Dating Translations

Dating can be hard. For those of us new to it, it has a language all of its own that needs to be learned, and quickly. Some words and phrases, such as catfishing, ghosting and benching are commonplace, while others are a touch more niche.

But what’s equally as difficult to understand is when people use everyday words and phrases but mean something totally different. In normal language a combination of words will have a single universal meaning, yet when it comes to dating that meaning is often flipped on its head.

With that in mind, here are some of the things that guys say and what we actually mean. I’m not saying I use these phrases myself, of course, but after speaking with a lot of women about this it seems that many of my penis-laden brethren do. I can only apologise on behalf of my gender. and maintain that we’re not all like this…

I’ll see if I can make it. I won’t make it.

Something came up. Let’s be honest, we both knew I wasn’t coming, right?

It’s my lucky shirt.  I once got to second base while wearing it.

Fancy going to the cinema?  I have no conversational ability, but hope to be able to try to put my arm around you in the semi-darkness.

Anything you can’t eat?  Please don’t be a vegan…

Anything you don’t like to eat? I’m serious, please don’t frown on my love for bacon…

I’ve heard of a cool place in Soho that I want to try…  I’ve taken my last seven dates there, so it’s a safe option for me

I’m meeting friends after this. You’re boring me to tears and I need an excuse to leave

I’m meeting friends after this, want to join us? You are so far above my league that I want them to meet you so they don’t think I’m lying

No, don’t worry, I’ve not been here long. I’ve already had three pornstar martinis, where have you been?!

Sorry I’m late, got delayed on the tube. I’m super disorganised and couldn’t work out what to wear

Sorry I’m late, work is busy! I want you to think I’m really important

I love skiing, how about you? Were your family rich enough to take you skiing from birth?

I’m just looking to have fun and enjoy myself. I want to sleep with you

I’m not like all the other guys, I don’t just want sex. But I would still like to sleep with you

I’ve only just joined Tinder. I’ve only just redownloaded the app for the sixteenth time

It’s so hard to find a good woman. I’m expecting perfection, nothing less

I’ve not really got a type. I definitely have a type, but to tell you would make you think I was super shallow

I don’t drink too much at home. Every night I drink in order to banish the empty loneliness that is my existence

Actually, I’ve got four kids. PLEASE DON’T RUN AWAY!!!

You look great. Honestly, I can’t take my eyes off you, you are a stunner

I’ve got a few hobbies. They’re super geeky and will remain hidden until you know I’m not a total loser

Really? I just grabbed a few old clothes and threw them on last minute. I spent literally hours choosing what to wear, but to admit that would make me seem less manly

Don’t worry, I’ll pay. Please insist on paying half, this is bloody expensive!

I’ll call you. I will message you. Probably.

Me too! I love avant-garde French cinema as well! Not as much as I love Predator, though.

 

What have I missed? What phrases have you heard dates say which you both knew meant the exact opposite but never openly acknowledged it?