Things guys do only when they’re going on a date

I grew up watching Jessica Fletcher solving mysteries. She would always just happen to be somewhere when a murder took place, and just happen to speak to the right people, and just happen to notice the details which would lead to the killer admitting their guilt and blaming it all on those meddling kids (or something like that).

However, it wouldn’t take a Jessica Fletcher to be on hand to know when I was planning on going out on a date. Other than the slightly apprehensive look on my face or the nervous smile, there are a few tell-tale signs that I’m off to meet a lady. I’m sure I’m not alone in these, either…

  1. The bed is made

What other occasion would we have to change the sheets and smooth out the covers? Every day when we wake up we know it’ll just get messy again when we go back to sleep, so why even bother making it look nice? That is, unless there’s a chance someone else is going to come back and enjoy it with you. First impressions count. Time to pick those cushions up off the floor after all, put the washing in the basket and clear the glasses of half-drunk water from the side.

2. Tidy our house

I like a tidy house as much as the next person, but it’s just too easy to leave some paper on the table, ignore the crumbs on the floor and the washing in the sink. However, I don’t want my date wandering downstairs to get a drink, still half-tipsy, and falling over something I’ve left out so badly that she becomes the poster-child for a new angle on “where there’s blame, there’s a claim” adverts.

3. Trim our hair

Hair grows, there’s no stopping it, but most of the time it’s in a somewhat ruly situation. Pre-date, however, I declare war on it. My local barber is awesome, and as well as an amazing cut (all for a tenner), he also goes to town on my eyebrows, nose and ears. There. I’ve said it. I am a man who has hair to trim in those places. That being said, I take care of the other trimming areas myself. I’m close to my barber, but not that close…

4. Think back on funny stories

Your friends have heard them all before, and perhaps were there when the stories were made. The kids roll their eyes whenever you open your mouth anyway, but especially when it’s to regale an old tale. So it’s easy to forget some of your achievements and humorous anecdotes.

A good conversation should flow without needing anything crowbarred in, but it does pay sometimes to remember funny or interesting things to say, so you’ll find me for the hours beforehand trying to recall the details of the Sting story, or that time you nearly ran over Boris Johnson.

5. Dig out nice boxer shorts

We’ve all got old underwear in our drawers. You know, the pair that you’ve had for years and know you should throw away, but they’re just so damned comfortable. They are lovely, and have their place, but on your body while you’re on a date is not one of them.

Regardless of the fact that the other person might end up seeing them, you want to feel sexy and attractive on your date. Unless you are a very special kind of person, a pair of novelty Star Wars boxer shorts with the phrase “Feel the Force” on them which you got bought for Christmas in 2009 will probably not add to the sexy ambience.


What other date-only-rituals do you have that get you in the right place for a night out?

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